ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
