we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
And the cops told us we were all naked.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
