i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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