mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize