Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
