You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
