You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
