I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
