winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
