My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
