New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize