he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
