True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
