i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize