So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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