i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
