Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
