I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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