you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
