I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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