it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
