We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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