What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
