he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
