forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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