i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
