"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
home. puking in laundry basket.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
