1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
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