shes about as inviting as chlamydia
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
