I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
