you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
