if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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