she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
