i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
