i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
there's paper in my vomit.
we made out on top of his cat.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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