The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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