I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
