It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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