I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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