She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
