he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
