Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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