There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
