Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
