I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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