For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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