your parents love me but you hate me
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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