He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
