return my video game
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
