Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
