why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
