you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
