There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize