so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
