I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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