Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
