ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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