I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
