i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
