operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I pour the whiskey from now on
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
