That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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