The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
