girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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