I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
