I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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