I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
