Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
