You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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