I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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