it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize