the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
