Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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