I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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