Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
