i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize