***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize