What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
