listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
