Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
