It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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