Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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